- How Much -
by An Artists Account
Summary: We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path. Paulo Coehlo It's not always that easy, letting go of your fears and letting yourself free fall. A free verse about judging other and looking at yourself.


**- How Much -**

**(free verse)**

You've spent your whole life

learning how to

push

people away

learning how to

(((wrap your arms)))

tight around your heart

learning how to

XpXrXoXtXeXcXtX

yourself with crossed swords

of angry words

and bitter promises

_that you don't even try to keep_

And when a boy tells you

Just

- how much -

he likes you

you

pull

back because that's

***TERRIFYING***

to you

Far scarier than

Monsters in the Closet

or the Dark

or Nightmares

His embrace

(once so comforting)

has become crushing

His hands

(it was only just a laugh)

suddenly want to hold yours

instead of your body

You could deal with the

** PHYSICAL**

(it's what's {inside} your head

that scares you

Far More

than the Monsters in the Closet

ever could)

All this _Emotion_

All this _Trust_

All this _Commitment_

People aren't meant to stay together

f...o...r...e...v...e...r

(you've seen that firsthand)

And when a boy tells you

Just

- how much -

he likes you

it's all too_ much_

too _soon_

too _quick_

too...

_...everything_

Why did he have to be so _good?_

And so _kind?_

And so _sweet?_

And so _perfect?_

Everything a girl should want

in a boyfriend

Someone to love you

Adore you

Hold up the sky for you

But you're not _That Girl_

-the one he thinks he sees-

When he told you

Just

- how much -

he liked you

he couldn't see the real you

_(the screwed up you)_

who uses her body

not her head

to keep the emotions away

Far Away

where you can't get hurt

Or be used

Or abused

love doesn't last

you're not meant to be together

f...o...r...e...v...e...r

So the next time you see him

you take the

** COWARDS**

Way Out

and pretend nothing

h. a. p. p. e. n. e. d

between you

And he's hurt

but he doesn't show it

_(he's that kind of guy)_

And after a while

everything's back to normal

You let another

Nameless

boy use you

because it keeps your head clear

free from emotion

But suddenly,

you find yourself watching him

Wondering if

When he told you

Just

- how much -

he liked you

he really meant it

(?)

Because you're suddenly watching him

and realising

- how much -

He could have loved you

Adored you

Held up the sky for you

(if you'd only given him the chance)

So you use your body

-because that's all you've ever known-

And you hike up your skirt

And stretch out your legs

And lean forward

so he can see your chest

And you use your pretty face

And suddenly,

you feel so cheap

You know what they call you

behind your back

"Look at her,"

they whisper;

**"Slut."**

He doesn't even look at your long legs

He doesn't even notice your pretty face

you lost your chance

because you were so afraid

to let yourself go

Free Fall

into something that could of

meant everything

But in The End

meant nothing

And as for That Girl

that New Girl

He doesn't say

When he told her

"Just

- how much -

he liked her"

He tells her

He loves her

and guess what

(?)

She loves him back

He's braver than you could ever be

And suddenly,

those fingers sliding up your skirt

or shirt

don't seem so safe now

and you're wondering

Why

you were ever such

**A Fool**

to let him go

because you wouldn't

couldn't take the risk

and let yourself

Free Fall

It's still more scary than

Monsters in the Closet

or the Dark

or Nightmares

but perhaps that's how it's meant to be

(?)

People aren't meant to be together

f...o...r...e...v...e...r

you know that

(you've always known that)

From a distance you watch the boy

Who would have held up the sky for you

Walk Away

into his own

**Happy Ending**

and you turn back to the

Nameless

boys who want to

Use you

Abuse you

and you keep your head clear

even though your heart's

Crying Out

for someone to listen

for someone to care

But what's the point of someone caring

(?)

you'll only

push

them away again

because that's what the world taught you

that people aren't meant to be together

f...o...r...e...v...e...r

But you still

(sorta

kinda)

wonder

If you had it to do over...

What would you do?

* * *

**I'm not exactly sure where the inspiration for this piece came from. All I know is that's it resonated with me - and I can understand her exactly. Judge her or not: there's people like her out there, kids from messy divorces, abusive parents, kids who have seen what the world does to love.**

**Maybe this seems cynical, but looking through the eyes of someone who has seen what love can do, I don't judge her, sure she's made some stupid decisions but then haven't we all? We all have to deal with our lot in life and I think it's poignant to ask the question**

**"If you had it to do over what would you do?"**

**because really, we ask ourselves that every single day.**

**A very wise man once said:**

**"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path." ~Paulo Coehlo**

**perhaps it's worth thinking about?**

**let me know your views...I'm always willing to see things from a different point if view.**


End file.
